Bo - ten plagues / ten chances

I wrote this D’var Torah after having an hour long meaningful conversation with my mother for the first time in many years.  This happened after I was told specifically that Hashem loves me, the great and awesome, infinitely powerful God loves the tiny and lowly me.  And not only me but also my family, my extended family, my friends from shul, my coleagues from work.  Hashem shines His light on each circle of people, so different on the outside, and so similar in His light. 

The plague of darkness - 10:22 hoshech afela – a darkness of gloom – describes the classic depression: 10:23 They could not see one man his brother nor rise could any man from his place.  I took the liberty to read the phrase “could not see one man his brother” as the inability to see the light in people closest to you.  When it is hard to see the light coming from within a person, imagine the circle of light that Hashem shines on them from the outside, so you’ll see them illuminated and beautiful.  But for all the Children of Israel there was light in their dwellings. 

The ten plagues are spread over two Torah portions, Va’eira and Bo, and it may not feel very exciting to read about one plague after another, same request, same response, why the same situation is repeated so many times? 

Egypt was not destroyed right away, but was given ten plagues, each one an opportunity to repent. After Pharaoh reverted on his promise, why did Moshe entreat Hashem to stop one plague after another each time Pharaoh feigned repentance, why did not Moshe say “you are a liar, you already cheated us before, now it is too late to ask for forgiveness”.  But he does not do that, he keeps going back to Hashem and asks to withdraw each plague, until Pharaoh agrees to all conditions and asks for a blessing.  12:32 ... valeichu uveirachtem gam oti and go and you should bless me also.

Unlike human beings, who would form an opinion about a person based on the past actions and will stick with the lowest opinion, Hashem knows our present state of mind and does not hold our old discarded selves against us in judgement.  Every minute, every second a man changes his mind Hashem treats the individual based on who he is right now, at this very moment. 

I wanted to say that our children are at the fragile age when people are prone to stumble and take wrong turns.  But I recall Miriam saying “why are you guys so worried about what we kids do?  Worry about yourselves – what you grown-ups do affects everyone, our well-being depends on your behaviour.”  Sounds a bit harsh, but true in many aspects.  The same rated R movie that we don’t allow children to watch affects our sub-conscience and wears off our intellect.  A teenager under 21 cannot walk into a night club, but a 40-something head of a household can?   

So we can stumble and take wrong turns at any age.  And at any age Hashem is willing to take us back if we sincerely wish to return.  He does not label us based on the past misdeeds.  We can only strive to look at each other objectively, in the present moment, and believe that every time someone resolves to change it is for real. 

When we grow up our parents are our observers, who see us at our best and our worst, who can condemn us for small or perceived missteps in a way that feels there is nothing to loose. Their disappointment becomes a twisted mirror that we try to turn away from throughout our lives, the shame, the awkwardness, that strains the relationship and prevents us from fulfilling the mitzvah of honouring your father and mother.  But if we truly believe, internalize, the idea that there is a Parent who sees us at the present moment, who knows what we are right now, that awareness easies the strain and brings compassion, and we can share the blessing with our parents before it is too late.