What if Eve turned to G-d? What if she turned to man?

When the first man was created, G-d planted a garden of Eden and placed the man to work and to guard it.  Two trees did the Lord G-d plant in the garden of paradise: the tree of life in the middle of the garden, and also the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  

G-d created a woman out of man's side, to be his helper opposite of him, ezer k'negdo  (opposite of man, or opposite of G-d?).   A serpent, more cunning and smooth than all animals of the field, came to the garden and asked Eve: Even if G-d said do not eat of any tree of the garden? (Genesis 3:1)

We know the rest of the story - Eve ate from the tree, her eyes opened, she let the man try, man, woman and the snake were cursed and exiled from the garden, and the guardian angels with rotating flaming swords were placed at the garden gates to protect the tree of life, so that the man won't become immortal. 

When a man is presented with temptation there are two choices - to say Yes and succumb to it, or to say No and refuse - right?  What if there were a third choice - to turn away from the snake and to ask G-d - Why?  Why did You present me with this temptation? Why did You plant the tree of knowledge of good and eve in the garden? Why did You make it available to me and forbidden at the same time?  Why did You plant desire in my heart?  Why did You create me in such way that I am so confused - the desire that whispers with Your voice within me, which lights me with the fire of life, and Your words of explicit prohibition?  Why did You create the serpent and brought him on my path?  The list of questions can go on and on…  This is a dialog with G-d that keeps going for as long as man lives.  The majority of people, yours truly included, are neither righteous nor evil, but we are all engaged in the dialogue with G-d, whether consciously or not.   The whole history of human thought, of philosophy is this ongoing conversation - who am I, why am I like this, why am I struggling between the law and desire, why is not life easy and clear, why did You plant anguish in my heart? 

 

But here is what happens when a man consciously engages in this dialog and gets really into it - the dialog itself acquires a life of its own and becomes appealing to man to the point that he forgets about the temptation.  So the next time the snake comes around with his un-holy propositions, Eve may say - thanks for the offer, but I have something better going on here, I am talking to G-d!

 

What's in it for the Snake?

Excerpts from the book of Rabbi David Fohrman The Beast that Crouches at the Door

Notes from Chapter 5
What's in it for the Snake

 The story about the two trees begins in preceding chapter 2:9, 2:16-17. 

After the pasuk about the trees, G-d declares that 2:18 "it is not good for man to be alone" and sets about trying to find a mate for him.  2:19 And the Lord God formed from the earth every beast of the field and every fowl of the heavens, and He brought [it] to man to see what he would call it, and whatever the man called each living thing, that was its name.  Adam does not choose a mate from all the animals, G-d creates Eve out of his rib, and only then the story returns to the Forbidden Fruit.  The snake comes along and offers the fruit to Eve. 

Why does Adam's search for a mate interrupt the story about the Tree of Knowledge?

Adam's rejection of all beasts of the field is crucial to the story of the Forbidden Fruit. 

The snake was the smartest of all animals, but Adam did not choose him as his mate.

Midrash Bereishit Rabbah, quoted by Rashi, says that the snake hoped that Eve would pass the fruit to Adam before partaking it, because the snake wanted to assassinate Adam and marry Eve.  Midrash is allegorical, sages often convey deep truths through the mysterious, allegorical garb of Midrash.  

Because Adam rejected animals in favor of Eve, the animal world - with the snake as its smartest representative - leveled a challenge to the first humans: "What makes you so special? What makes you so different from us that you stand alone and require one another as mates? We can be your soul mates, too…"

The Tree and the Idea

3:6 And the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes (toava la-einaim), and the tree was desirable to make one wise (nehmad le-haskil); so she took of its fruit, and she ate, and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.

What was so attractive in the tree?  Good for food is simple to understand, delight to the eyes, tantalizing - OK, people do get drawn to the shiny objects, only to forget about them later.  But what does it mean nehmad le-haskil, delight to the intellect, desirable to the mind - a tree is not a person that one can talk to, what's in a tree that makes it so desirable intellectually, what kinds of mysterious secrets did the tree hint at? 
I thinks it is the idea of unlimited power and freedom that eating from the tree symbolized, the idea expressed by the serpent earlier in 3:5 For God knows that on the day that you eat thereof, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like angels, knowing good and evil. 
The idea that one can eat from the tree, or do whatever he wants, that is nehmad le-haskil.  A juicy piece of ham, an attractive object, is a toava la-einaim, but the idea that you can walk into any restaurant and order any food you want, the cultural idea,  the meme, that you can do whatever you want in your personal life, that is nehmad le-haskil. The idea is promoted from Ayn Rand to Shakira and Beyonce, the latter not incidentally featured on the cover of Time magazine in the list of the most influential people of the year. Man dreams of power and freedom.  3:1 Even if G-d indeed said so …

Becoming a Living Soul

I started re-reading the first chapters of the book of Bereishit in preparation for the next week's women class on Knowledge, speaking about the knowledge of good and evil in light of Rav S. R. Hirsch's brilliant commentary on Chumash.  Predictably, the very first verses in Chapter 2 struck me with what seemed like a logical inconsistency.  It starts with the declaration that on the seventh day G-d completed all His work that He did. 

2:1 Now the heavens and the earth were completed and all their host

But then in verse 5 it says that there was no man to work the soil:

2:5  Now no tree of the field was yet on the earth, neither did any herb of the field yet grow, because the Lord God had not brought rain upon the earth, and there was no man to work the soil.

Was not the creation completed on the seventh day?  Was not the man already created on the sixth day? 

1:26-27 And G-d said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and they shall rule over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the heaven and over the animals and over all the earth and over all the creeping things that creep upon the earth."  And G-d created man in His image; in the image of G-d He created him; male and female He created them.

Is this a contradiction?  Here at the end of Chapter 1 the man was created in the image of G-d, on the sixth day, but then in the beginning of Chapter 2, after the seventh day, we read that "there was no man to work the soil." 

The original man, Adam 1.0, was created to "rule over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the sky and over all the beasts that tread upon the earth" - to rule, not to work the soil! 

In Chapter 2, after Hashem blessed the Shabbos day, He "formed man of dust from the ground, and He breathed into his nostrils the soul of life, and man became a living soul."  A living soul, capable of love and longing, suffering and pain, ridden with doubt and searching for truth, is the one who can work the soil, one whom Hashem "placed  in the Garden of Eden to work it and to guard it."

A man is born to rule and reborn to work.  The transition from an admired child to a responsible adult is painful, tragic, unclear, full of confusion and despair, triumph and fall, and many failures, but these are all growing pains on the path to greatness.  

One recurrent motive in Torah is a story of a matriarch as a barren woman, who waits and prays for many years to conceive a child.  Patriarchs and prophets were born to such women.  Why could not life go smoothly, according to a normal human timetable, for Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, Hannah? Things that come easy are often less appreciated.  Young parents get annoyed by little children, spouses get tired of each other, inherited fortunes get squandered, but what comes to a sensitive adult as a result of hard work, after much struggle and failure, is valued and rises to greatness. 
 

 י. לֹא בִגְבוּרַת הַסּוּס יֶחְפָּץ לֹא בְשׁוֹקֵי הָאִישׁ יִרְצֶה
 רוֹצֶה יְהֹוָה אֶת יְרֵאָיו אֶת הַמְיַחֲלִים לְחַסְדּוֹ:

An Esther Moment

It’s crazy - I've read three Purim books this season: Esther: A Breslov Commentary on the Megillah, that my husband picked after a shiur of visiting Breslov Chasidim; Purim and the Persian Empire, used in preparation to teach a Sunday school and women’s class; and The Queen You Thought You Knew, that I picked up accidentally at the store because it looked cute, which turned out to be the best as it related to the ideas in the other two books.   And after reading all three books, here was my Esther moment.  After requesting time off from the not-so-friendly boss for the Passover holiday, I receive an e-mail that read verbatim “What is Passover holiday?”  After a few deep breaths, I put together a polite response “It is a Jewish religious holiday that people of my faith observe every year, along with a number of other holidays when we cannot work.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passover”. 

Orphan Souls

Contemplating the untimely passing of Rabbi Daniel Moscowitz, I thought how frustrating it must have been to preach to the diverse crowd of people many of whom were coming to Chabad mainly to socialize and eat the sumptuous Kiddush, unburdened by synagogue membership fees or obligations to keep mitzvoth. Of course Rabbi Moscowitz was on a different level and would not hold the grudge, but even Moses was frustrated at times with the "stiff-necked people". And then I thought ...that the greatest mesiras nefesh-level Mitzvah of Rabbi Moscowitz and people like him is caring of the orphans. Because when a Jewish soul, a holy neshama, is born into this world, into a secular family, a society of atheists and skeptics, she is like an orphan. A orphan soul may be placed in a pampered body with well engaged mind, but the soul - the soul yearns for something bigger, seeks higher purpose, starving for mitzvoth, thirsty for the word of Torah - and the mind is either unaware of this condition or is greatly confused.

The mitzvah of taking care of the orphans is unqualified by any conditions. Torah does not say to care about orphans only if they are nice, if they keep Shabbat, learn Torah, pray every day - it says to take care of the orphans and widows and welcome a stranger - unconditionally, because we were slaves and strangers in a strange land.

Eshet Chayil - linen and purple wool

That Friday I felt completely empty and cut off, as if all bridges were burnt and there was nothing going on except the daily grind.  I spent Friday afternoon at a particularly absurd, meaningless “all hands” meeting, half-reading a shiur on the company-owned smart phone, half listening to a new and improved strategy to cut down costs and lower the bottom line, as if I were not at the bottom already. 

I almost forgot that we were hosting two yeshiva boys, invited to read Torah at the synagogue the next morning.  My son let them in and showed around.  I walked into the house an hour before Shabbat to the sound of trope – the boys were practicing reading the Torah portion of the week, reading different sections, aliyot, in adjacent rooms.  Wow! I felt back in Yerushalayim.  The house felt so different, as the ancient words and melody harmonized across the hall.  I left my coat in the laundry room and tiptoed into the kitchen to warm up food for Shabbat, careful not to be heard, not to break the enchantment by my presence.  Observation changes the outcome, better not to be seen or heard to sustain the magic. 

My husband usually reads Eshet Chayil in English, and as nice as it sounds, it loses in translation.  Hearing the boys sing Eshet Chayil in Hebrew with traditional melody, two words caught my ear: shesh v’argamon levushah­ – the English translation has it as “her clothing is of fine linen and luxurious cloth”, but the Hebrew word argamon actually means purple wool, and linen and purple wool are two of the fabrics that made the panels of the Mishkan! I brought this to young people’s attention, and they knowingly confirmed that yes, the panels of the Mishkan - the portable sanctuary of the desert at the time of Exodus, were made out of four fabrics: shesh – linen, tehelet – sky-blue wool, argamon – purple wool, and toalat shani – crimson red wool, all luxurious cloth, but of distinctly different color.  They did not know why two out of four were chosen for the clothes of Eshet Chayil, the woman of valor.  Interestingly, I was reading rabbi Moshe Weinberger’s shiur about the Ish Chayil, a man of valor, during the boring meeting earlier, as if there are coincidences.   The blog I was reading also had a story of Phoenix, as a reminder that a Jew can always recreate oneself. 

I kept thinking about the colors of the Mishkan the next day, Shabbos, as my son was leading mussaf, a big honor, his grown up voice sounding serious and deep. At that moment I  realized that Eshet Chayil has only two out of four colors because it is written about a woman, a wife – half of the family.  The other two colors belong to the man – tehelet is the original thread in the tzitzit, the color of loyalty and devotion, while the toalat shani, crimson read, stands for husband’s passionate love for his wife.  As for the colors in Eshet Chayil – shesh, white linen, signifies purity, while argamon, purple, implies her mystery.

Love that Person in the Mirror

Outrageously selfish thoughts from a yoga class – hope they prove contagious and rub off on all my beautiful friends.

My yoga teacher must have achieved her goal today.  After a half-day of fasting, ridden by shame and guilt, I came to the class in a perfect no-self state – empty, feeling only the aching body muscles and hollow stomach.  I kept fixing my shirt through the warrior 1 flipping to warrior 2 poses, pulling the reluctant rolling up fabric down over the belly. Glancing into the mirror to check my posture, I suddenly was amazed by what I saw.  That unassuming figure with flabby stomach, pale round face, frizzy hair all of sudden looked amazingly beautiful.  Maybe it was a serotonin rush from yesterday’s jog, first after a brutally cold winter, combined with the light-headedness of the fast. For whatever reason, I just felt absolutely in love with myself - the person who looked back at me from that mirror.  The blue eyes under the golden curls radiated subtle beauty, the round cheeks were nicely accentuated with blush, and I particularly liked the softness around the hips that reminded me of my two amazingly beautiful children, however far or close they may be at the moment.   

Ledge in the Cliff

Most of the thoughts that become content of my blog come to my mind at various points during the day. I carry them around like cash in the pocket, or like precious jewels in a leather pouch, then write them down late at night, after the dinner is served and bills are paid.  But some thoughts, that are very special, pop up during morning davening (prayer), when after expressing my trivial needs I pause and let the voice on the other side of the curtain speak to me. Sometimes I don't say anything, just pause and listen. 

The allegory that made this particular essay emerged this way on Wednesday morning, before a long conference meeting at work, during which it was typed between agenda items.

The side effect of such activity is that it leaves me rather exhausted, vulnerable and slightly light-headed, and I apologize for any impulsive actions I've done in such intoxicated state, and for any distress or discomfort this caused.  I hope that at the end of my life it won’t diminish the value of the words I write, because these words don’t come from me. 

Love is a ledge in the steep cliff of ascent. You are climbing up, higher and higher, and the cliff gets steeper and smoother, and you are afraid to look down, to slide into mindless oblivion, and suddenly you see a ledge, a comfortable wide step covered in lush grass and pretty flowers, or a tiny slippery indent you can hardly fit your hand in and hang suspended in the air.  You are afraid to let go of that ledge and climb higher, because the cliff above you is vertical and smooth and you have no idea how to keep going up that shiny smoothness, and you are so afraid to fall down, to loose your inspiration, your spark, fall into mindlessness of mundane, the life of a slave, you don't want to be buried in the daily grind where the only salvation is the imagination or addiction and it's all a constant struggle for survival.  You feel so high when you are on that ledge, you are on top of the world, you feel so strong, full of energy, you don't get tired even a bit - because you are not climbing.
Keep climbing.  Even when your arms are hurting, when you are exhausted and thirsty and almost ready to give up - you have it in you, the strength of the core, the magnetic power in your limbs that keeps your on that rock.  You'll be tired, and you will keep looking down on that ledge, on many small and big ledges covered in flowers, whimsically, with yearning, a pinch in the heart or a lump in the throat - go back to climbing, keep looking up, and suddenly your arms will spread into the wings and you'll be flying.

Treasure of Tears

I was walking in the forest and found a treasure chest hidden in a tree.  And in that treasure chest were tears of a beautiful child.  He was crying for a star that flew away from him.  For a rose among the delightful garden who did not want him to take care of her.  He was crying for his beloved, and I was crying for him. If I could only see his happy smile, I'd write the most beautiful poem for his wedding.
 

I wanted to wipe out his tears, but he was far away and did not want to talk to anyone.  Now he is roaming the uncharted lanes of the universe looking for another star to love.  I hope she is kind to him and will love him back. I hope he finds his star and does not settle on a planet.  Do not pretend to be someone else, someone more likeable.  If one remains true to himself, the right people will appear in his life, eventually.  And when you meet that special person, the one and only, let her feel as if she is the only star in the universe, because when you meet her, nothing else will matter.

I was not searching for the treasure, I just saw it glistening among the leaves, tiptoed to open it – it was not meant for me to see, and I am sorry for reading, recognizing and writing about it.  I just happen to live in that forest and stumble upon its treasures accidentally – as if anything is accidental.  The forest is the cyber world – bodiless, ephemeral, beautiful and dangerous - so new and so familiar, binding us all into a net, like the panels of the Mishkan, attached by the bonds of friendship so that the Mishkan becomes one.

See also: Ledge in the Cliff

Shlomo Carlebach on Beauty

"We see what is, because the Tree of Knowledge knows only good or bad. The Tree of Knowledge doesn't know about beauty.  Beauty is deeper than if something is good or bad.
When I want someone to get closer to Yiddishkeit and closer to Eretz Yisrael, if I tell them that Eretz Yisrael is good, they won't come. Nobody comes merely because it's good. But if I tell them "Gevalt, is it beautiful!" then what a drawing card I have!
Look at how big tzaddikim look at people! They can see how beautiful Yidden are, how beautiful Yerushalayim is, how beautiful the Beis HaMikdash is.
I'll tell you something very deep. Babies aren't always so clean. They get dirty all the time, but why is a baby so beautiful? What is it that we see in a baby? We see so much light from heaven.
When a bride goes to the chuppah, G-d's light is shining upon her. She is so beautiful. This heavenly light is more beautiful than anything in the world.
Some people know everything in the world, but inside their heads they are dark. Sometimes a Yid knows just a few things, but those few things mean so much. That's because there's light behind them.
What's the light behind it?
When do I know I am tuned into beauty? When I learn something and it's full of light, it lifts me up to a higher level, beyond levels, beyond the story, beyond everything. 
Who cares if I thought I knew it before? Suddenly, I'm beautiful."

From Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach "The Soul of Chanukah", Ch.2 Shining Souls.

L'cha Dodi Likrat Kala

Tired of cold weather we skipped Kabbalat Shabbat services at shul and stayed home this Friday night.  And as much as I miss the uplifting atmosphere of the synagogue service, sometimes the same words impart a new meaning when read slowly in the golden glow of my dining room.

Reading familiar words of “Lecha dodi likrat kala, p’nei Shabbat n’kabelah” - Come, my friend, to meet the bride; let us welcome the presence of the Sabbath – I thought how is Shabbat related to marriage, why is it that we greet Shabbos with a song proclaiming a wedding between Jewish people and G-d, why do we start all Shabbos liturgy with the preliminary reading of Song of Songs, that compares Israel with a beloved bride of Hashem.  How is Shabbos compared to marriage? 

On Shabbos we don’t work.  On Shabbos Israel becomes a married woman who does not have to work outside of the house, who is fully provided by her husband.  The focus of Shabbos is to love and praise G-d.  On Shabbos, G-d gives us everything in exchange for our love and admiration. On Shabbos, there is no anger, no need for control, no fear, no struggle for survival.  Israel is a graceful dignified Queen married to the King of Kings, living in a shiny palace in the garden of paradise. 

But there is yet another aspect of marriage.  Husband and wife are committed to take care of each other.  We believe that Hashem takes care of us with compassion and protects us from harm, often in mysterious ways that we cannot understand.  But how can we take care of the infinite, almighty G-d?  How can we guard and protect Him and take care of His needs? 

Torah teaches us sensitivity and compassion to each other "V'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha, ani Hashem” {you shall love your neighbor as yourself, I am Hashem}. [Lev. 19:18]. It teaches us shmirat haloshon, sensitivity and modesty in speech.  Each person has a tender and sensitive core that is a part of G-d, a Divine soul.  By being sensitive and protective of every soul, including one’s own soul, a human being takes care of G-d, like a gentle, loving wife takes care of her husband. 

Knowledge and Holiness

I started preparing the lesson on the fourth blessing, Da’at – Knowledge, with a relief.  The thirsty desire for knowledge, wisdom, is a topic near and dear to my heart.  King Solomon asking G-d to grant him lev shomea, listening heart, seeking emotional intelligence above all values – I get it, I learned mussar, I voluntarily took sensitivity training at work, I’d easily sacrifice entertainment for a night of study.  However, despite all my efforts, the true knowledge has always been elusive, it seems like I’ve never been able to grow up.

I taught about the first blessing, Avot, the awesome greatness and infinite love of G-d.  I spoke with enthusiasm about the blessing of Gevurah, the belief in immortal soul that G-d in his infinite mercy returns to the physical world.  But how can I speak about Kedusha, holiness, when every student in my class is much, much holier than me? What can I possibly say to them?

Holiness, Kedusha, is like a rotating flaming sword at the closed gate to the tree of true knowledge.  Who can come close, who can grasp it?

So I thought this morning, going through the usual routine, reading emails, one of them from JewishMom.com describing the author’s experience of being tempted by and overcoming certain food cravings, that ended with the chilling quote from Netivot Shalom (Slonimer Rebbe):

“If a Jew takes it upon himself to sacrifice his own personal desires to serve Hashem, he is considered as though he gave up his life and died as a holy martyr Al Kiddush Hashem.

Because through accepting this self-sacrifice he cleaves yet again to the root of all Holiness.”

Are observant Jews the only people to sacrifice their personal desires? Of course not – secular people give up pleasures too, when it is a reasonable thing to do, to avoid embarrassment or other negative consequences, sacrificing short-term gains in favor of long-term benefits, giving up lesser  priorities for higher.  But here is the difference between “just a good person”, who acts out of common sense, and a believer striving for Holiness, who is willing to sacrifice his own personal desires in order to serve G-d, either for no other reason, or above all other reasons.  Because the desire for knowledge is nothing but the love of G-d and the desire to come close to Him, and the path to satisfy this desire is through Holiness. 

In Defense of Social Media

In Defense of Social Media

 

 

Social media and the Internet in general is maligned as much as the printing press at the times of Guttenberg, as much as Socrates was condemned for corruption of youth.  “Internet destroys lives.” “Facebook generates cyberbullying”.  And before Facebook there was no bullying?  Was there no physical abuse, no rape, no beatings, no spitting, no gossip, no boycotts, no insults, and no humiliation?  I have some news for all social media haters and concerned parties: the first and second world wars and the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki happened before the invention of Internet!  The cannibalism, the Crusades, the genocides happened before the invention of printed press.  Facebook makes people lonely and increases suicide rates?  Millions of Indian women, forced into arranged marriages, locked at the mercy of abusive in-laws, jumped into family wells for centuries before the invention of the first computer.   

A high-school girl posted on Facebook a picture with her father who passed away four days after her first homecoming party, with a caption “Love you, Dad”, and hundreds of people came to the shiva.  A friend posted a rhetorical question and a live person showed up at the door with a tray of food.  Yes, privacy is a concern, and ease of contact creates high expectations to get a birthday greeting etc... but banning and ostracizing the media is not a solution.  Don’t blame the messenger.  Guns don’t kill – people do!  What matters is what is in people’s minds, the content of what is being said, not the media that was used.  No one can stop human intellect from growing and reaching for the stars.  No one can prevent the rising power of the mind.  But the power can be channeled, educated, shaped.  There are laws of the proper speech, shmirat haloshon, there are norms of ethical behavior between ben adam v’haveiro, between a man and his neighbor, and people can be taught to practice these laws before they learn how to use a computer.  The widespread concerns about the dangers of social media highlight the necessity of early and constantly ongoing ethical education of children from infancy all the way through graduate school.  People should not wait to sign up for management sensitivity training and say “why I was not taught this before?”

Not every child has a good fortune to attend a religious day school, like Solomon Schechter, where children are taught morality along with science, and where every secular subject is infused with Torah values, where teachers care about the child’s well-being and his or her relationship with the world.  But the secular world has its own wisdom teachings.  The Almighty G-d in his infinity mercy granted wise people of many nations great insights on how to live good life in peace and harmony.  This wisdom, the ethics, can and must be taught in public and private schools.  The ethical education must become part of mandatory elementary school education, and if parents and teachers are concerned about internet, social media, possession of firearms, or anything whatever may come next (and new more powerful and dangerous things will come next without a doubt!), then they have to lobby the government and congress and raise funds to provide children with mandatory ethical education.  Not once a year workshop- retreat – fun games – friendship exercise, but daily lessons and drills every morning before opening math textbooks. 

Of course for a Jewish child Aristotle and Gandhi can never replace Torah.  But we, educated Jewish adults, cannot shut ourselves from the world.  We can select the aspects of secular teaching that is compatible with Torah values and teach them to the world, deliver the knowledge of G-d in a form that is acceptable to the nations.  Ethical philosophy does not replace religion, but it does open a human heart to awareness of something greater, it elevates and refines the mind, it creates an opening, a possibility for moral growth. This was already being done in U.K. - there were experimental philosophy courses for high-school students that had huge success – what is a better time to think of the meaning of life and relationship between a man and the world than when one is seventeen?   But I believe that to teach experimental philosophy classes in high-school is too little and too late.  Children have to be taught Ethics from preschool, in whatever form it could be absorbed – with bright pictures, emotional stories, fun games, music, every form of media that we are all so concerned about.

Yaphet, the progenitor of the nation of Greece, has his name derived from the root “y-ph-t” which means “open” - he will open the hearts. G-d will open the hearts to Yaphet; He will give him influence over the human heart. (Rav Shimshon R. Hirsh, commentary on Bereishit 9:27)

cause and effect

Talking about cause and effect makes me think of Avot.  Not the biblical patriarchs, but my father-in-law and my Dad.  My father-in-law was a very good person – loyal, caring husband and devoted father, cheerful, energetic, funny, neat, honest, kind and helpful.  My extended family always has him in mind in our perpetual debates on ‘is not it enough to just be a good, decent person’.  He had one weakness – taste for forbidden meat.  He used to make it really nice, with spices and sauces.  For many years this was a staple food in the household, and also a source of conflict, as I ungratefully crunched on salads.  The family patriarch did not consider it a weakness, but was quite vocal and proud of his gastronomical preferences.  Until at the age of 71 in fit shape and vigor he started to complain of indigestion.  Six months later he was gone, burned away by stomach cancer.

Fast forward ten years later, two days ago as of this writing, my 81-year-old father was diagnosed with skin cancer, facial lesions.  All his life my father was obsessed with his looks, matching his clothes to perfection, narcissistic to extreme, flirty and sociable with whoever he considered aesthetically pleasing, sarcastically berating those less endowed with glamour, which included my mother. There were times when his considerable talent and charms would bring hundreds of people to hear him speak.  He drew his energy from other’s admiration, but when crowds dissolved he was left with a void.

My dad and my father-in-law were completely opposite people, but one trait was in common – they were unapologetic, one in his vanity, the other in his physical cravings, bearing their flaws like a banner. 

I know we are not supposed to see illness as in direct correlation to guilt, but it’s hard not to see some logic. My Buddhist friend Ellen believes that cancer is a form of protest of the body against what feels wrong at the gut level, while consciously man is in loud denial of guilt.  The louder he screams in his pride, the deeper the guilt is buried to the level of the offended tissue cells. Which I think is another way of saying that a body is connected to the divine soul, circumventing the scheming mind.  I also think that while vanity and cravings are all parts of the human nature, the one who is consciously ashamed remains healthier that the proud denier. And now I can only pray that merciful G-d, in whose hands we are mere pawns, will spare the agony and let my father leave this world in peace.

fighting alone

In this week's Torah portion Jacob was fighting with the unknown force, all alone at night.  Gen.32:25 "And Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn."  He did not know who the man was, what was his name, but he fought nevertheless and emerged from the fight with a limp.  One may say that Jacob fought the man in the closet.  Many forces surround an unconscious mind, but a developing human being fights them and gets up in the morning, with a limp but victorious.  How can one give in and proclaim that he identifies himself with the forces of chaos, that he no longer considers himself bound by the laws of nature and is willing to destroy the world for illusory dream? 
And yet, the man who fought him in the night gave him a blessing.  He made him who he became - Israel. There was a certain power, a mysterious life force that was injected into Jacob/Israel as a result of the fight. Something emerged from that fight that enabled timid quiet Jacob hold his own against Esau.  He refused to identify with Esau.  He gave Esau material things as a tribute, what was in his hand, sheep and goats, but he did not apologize, did not renounce Isaac's blessing that he took away from him. 
Sometimes the trials, nisayonos, are squeezing one so hard, it feels like there is no redemption possible, no way out, and everyone is telling you to give up.  Sometimes doing a moral thing, a chesed, to others leaves one empty and unfulfilled, wretched in misery.  But the alternative is chaos and destruction. 

What Motivates Them?

One of my teachers at TI, women’s division of Hebrew Theological College, a distinguished rabbi and a grandfather, had mused that he would like to find out what motivates Gentiles.  What do they think and feel, what drives them in life?  He confessed that he never had much contact with them, except for occasional hello to the neighbors and people in customer service.  In his long life he never had a Gentile friend or a co-worker that he would seriously talk to.  He’s met quite a few secular non-observant Jews, but he has not had any meaningful human relationship with Gentiles.

My first reaction was a mild shock; I never thought of this as a possibility.  I often envied people who worked for Jewish institutions – they can observe Shabbat and all Jewish holidays without any awkwardness about taking time off, they don’t have to explain why they don’t don a Halloween costume or decorate a pine tree in winter, or find excuses to skip the holiday party, or explain why despite the casual dress code they still prefer to wear a decent length skirt.  I never thought someone may have a complete gap about the huge majority of people in the world who are not members of our tribe.  Then I realized that it may well apply to most of my neighbors and friends, including my own children.  They don’t know the people that I spend majority of my waking time with!

Yesterday I spent a few hours volunteering at the Open Books, a small non-profit that occupies a few cozy rooms next to the bookstore in Chicago’s trendy Near North neighborhood.  The organization runs creative writing workshops for children from the inner city public schools.  On the day when I volunteered a yellow bus brought fifth-graders from the northwest side of the city.  There were about 30 kids in the room, a teacher and a few volunteers, called writing coaches, mostly college grads from my work who kindly signed up to keep me company. 

There were seven kids at my table, four girls and three boys, all with Spanish names, but speaking English without an accent.  The topic of the workshop was setting –a place and time where the story takes place – and its influence on the story, how it affects the moods and feelings of the characters and the plot of the story.  As a way of the warm-up we all had to introduce ourselves, including the coaches – state your name, favorite book, and what are you planning to wear for Halloween. 

I was never into that particular holiday, and the Jewish day schools that my children attended strongly discouraged participation.  However, listening to the children gathered in the brightly colored room, I felt differently.  They were not knocking on my door obnoxiously asking for candy.  They were telling their dreams.   Their eyes shined when they described their costumes, some of them hand-made and in progress, when they spoke about the fictional characters they’ll pretend to be on that day of dress-up and merry confusion.  They did not know about the origins and the history of the holiday, the associated Anti-Semitism, the pogroms and massacres that happened on that day.  They just dreamed of stepping out of their everyday existence and for one day a year being a Superman, or a Ninja, someone special.  They hoped to be noticed, to get attention, boosted by another image added to their personality. 

As a writing coach my job was to help kids at my table complete exercises, give them some pointers and maybe some seed ideas, but mostly give them encouragement and approval.  They had to describe a strange building on a laminated card, imagine what it could be and who could possibly live there.  One answer to a flying-saucer shaped building with a car parked under it was of a bunch of aliens pretending to be a regular family and trying to fit in – aren’t we all like that?  My table got a building that looked like a giant book-shelf, and kids imagined it to be a library, a museum, a theater, or a big hotel where book characters stayed when someone in the city was reading a particular book. 

Then they had to write a story about their favorite place.  For some it was a room at home, for some school playground or a library, and for some a fantasy place in their imagination.  They were looking at me with big eyes as they entrusted a complete stranger with their dreams, seeking notice and approval.  What motivates them, what drives their lives? Same as everyone, quest for love and friendship, comfort and security, and sometimes, in their dreams, seeking perfection. 

 

A Girl with a Tree of Life Tattoo

After the meetings all through my lunch break, duly annoyed I walked into the gym locker room past 1pm and found myself in a company of two working class type young ladies with colorful tattoos all over their buff muscles.  The new building in Schaumburg is shared with the company’s call center and our IT division has been going through a cultural adjustment getting used to the sites and sounds unusual at most corporate headquarters.  While changing into my long sleeve workout shirt and long pants, I listened in to the conversation, that started like a normal working girl talk – taking off early etc… but then I realized that the red head with a giant back tattoo is leaving work early this Friday to attend Yom Kippur Kol Nidrei services, and then she went on explaining to the other one how she cannot eat on Friday after sunset and all day Saturday, and how she was going to spend most of the Saturday at the synagogue attending services, and then have dinner really late at night, and then she went on about her plans for Sunday and what not.  I looked at the colorful tattoo one more time and realized that it was a symbolic drawing of a Tree of Life, with the branches spread over her shoulders and the trunk going down her spine, and there was an artsy drawing of the Kabbalistic eye on her right bicep.  Judging by appearances, this was one of the last people one would suspect of Jewish observance. 

And then I remembered myself half of the life ago, in a short tie-dye cotton dress and bleached hair, who did not even know about the High Holidays observance, except for the apples and honey invariably on my parents’ table for my September birthday, which happened to be today, and I realized that there must be a reason for the delayed workout, and the colorful locker room company.   That back then the bleach blond ignorant girl might have known something that I have since forgotten – that appearances are only skin deep, and that the true beauty and devotion is deep below the surface, and no matter how many or how few happy birthday messages I receive, thanks to the social media and modern communications, the most important thing in the world is to have someone to share my birthday with, someone who puts up with all my tantrums and remembers my favorite foods, does not mind listening to my philosophy tapes on a six-hour car ride and watching a movie of my choice. 

I left the locker room and walked into the song of Beatles, just the same as we sang so many years ago:

When I was younger, so much younger than today

I never needed anybody's help in any way

But now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured,

Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

 And I do appreciate you being 'round

 Help me get my feet back on the ground

 Won't you please, please help me …

Yom Kippur vs Freud

True to my unredeemable split nature my learning choices of the day included philosophy tape about Freud to sweeten the monotony of the work commute, from the teaching company series "Power over People: Classic and Modern Political Theory", as befitting a sweet Jewish Mom  preoccupied with her children's nutrition, and a night shiur at the Blitstein Institute of HTC, aka TI, on the Justice and Judgment of Yom Kippur, presented by Mrs. Miriam Jaffe. The notes and reflection on both are humbly presented in this post. 

On Female Vulnerability

Shavua Tov - The week has started with a number of challenging questions from inquisitive bright minds: Why is it common and acceptable for a public figure to criticize men in front of a large audience, but is a no-no to criticize women?  Have you lately heard criticism of women in general in public?  Are not men overprotective of their women rights and freedoms?  For instance, in an orthodox synagogue most men are trying to be progressive and support women who protest against raising a mehitza (separation barrier between men and women sections of the room) so that not to  put down the women. I don’t always have quick answers to the big questions, but after a few days the batch process in my head brings up some sources worth quoting.