Tetzaveh - Leora and Rafi's Sheva Brachos dinner

I was very much honored, and humbled, when Madeleine asked me to speak at this dinner.  We have always been looking up to the family of the bride, and I cannot imagine a greater honor than to speak on behalf of my family and the community of Darchei Noam on the occasion of Leora and Rafi’s Sheva Brachot celebration. 

First of all, I wanted to wish you a long and happy life together, a life full of Torah and Mitzvoth, a life full of people whom you love and who love you, healthy children who will love Torah and Judaism, who will be kind and respectful, and wise, a life full of joy and good deeds, gemiluth hasadim.

The Torah we’ve been reading these past few weeks in the book of Shemoth, is all about the design of material things that are used for sacred rituals.  We read about the design of the Mishkan, and the clothes of Kohen Gadol and his sons, bigdei kodesh.  The design, the blueprint, of the Mishkan and the bigdei kodesh, are all in the mind of Hashem, shown in a vision to Moshe on har Sinai.  It is easy to be lost in the abundance of details, but if we read carefully the Torah portions of Teruma and Tetzaveh, we realize that the ritual objects described in Torah are all very beautiful.  The Mishkan is full of colors, covered by the curtains made of fine wool of turquoise blue, purple and crimson red, with pure white linen, and the objects in the Mishkan are all made of pure gold, lit by the candle light of the golden Menorah.  The holy of holies is like a magical golden room of indescribable beauty.  And the clothes of Kohen Gadol and his sons were also made of fine blue wool and gold, designed to represent majesty and splendor, to dazzle and impress. 

Moshe, the prophet, was humble and unassuming, the most humble person in the world, the one who was able to commune with G-d.  Human soul is immaterial, very sensitive and fragile.  We believe that Almighty G-d is incorporeal, like the Soul of the universe.  It takes a very humble and gentle person to be a prophet, to approach G-d.  But Aaron, the high priest, had to pass the message to people, people who are bound to the material world, who could only come to G-d when jolted out of their ordinary existence by encounter with extraordinary beauty that was represented by Kohen Gadol.  At the wedding and on Yom Kippur we sing:

כְּוֶרֶד הַנָּתוּן בְּתוֹךְ גִּנַּת חֶמֶד מַרְאֵה כֹהֵ  K'vered hanatun betoch ginat chemed Marei Cohen

As the rose in the midst of a delightful garden, was the countenance​​​​​​​​​​ of the pries​t.

כְּנֵר הַמֵּצִיץ מִבֵּין הַחַלּוֹנוֹת מַרְאֵה כֹהֵן  Kener hametzitz mibein hachalonot Marei Cohen

As the light that gleams in the windows, was the countenance​​​​​​​​​​​ of the priest.

The chattan and kalah, the newlyweds are very beautiful.  The light of G-d shines upon the Kallah when she walks down the aisle, and on the groom when he is greeting her in the chuppah.  It is the light of Shabbos, the light of Yerushalayim, the light that filled the Mishkan and the Beit HaMikdash.  I bless you to carry this light throughout your lives and pass it to your children. 

You know, some people are sweet because they are beautiful.  They are born beautiful, and everyone is nice to beautiful children, and they are nice and sweet to everyone in return.  And some people are beautiful because they are sweet.  Kindness and compassion, modesty and Torah learning makes people beautiful, love makes them beautiful.  I’d like to bless you with this kind of beauty, that is real and lasting, the inner beauty that shines through your eyes and your smiles. 

The Torah portions about building the Mishkan are sometimes difficult to learn, because they are full of minute details.  Love, marriage, is all about the details.  When you love somebody very much, you remember details about them: the turn of head, the corner of a smile, favorite food, clothes, the brand of toothpaste and shampoo they like to use, favorite jokes and expressions.  When you grow together, you learn more and more details about each other. And even when you are far away, you carry these details in your mind to remember your beloved, like the memory of Yerushalayim. This is the secret of marriage – pay attention to details about each other, and remember to thank each other for that attention – like buying a favorite snack, or making tea, or covering feet with a blanket, or cleaning a car from snow, these small details accumulate and sustain your love.

In Hebrew the word for “paying attention” is sim lev, literally “to set heart” – when you pay attention to each other you set out your heart for the other person.  Another important expression in Hebrew is “ledaber al lev” – speak to the heart, meaning to speak gently and with love, like one soul speaking to another soul.  It is in the words of Yeshayahu hanavi, the prophet Isaiah, “Nahamu, nahamu ami, ko omar Elokecha, dabru al lev Yerushalayim, v’kiru eilecha”  “Console my people, says Hashem, speak to the heart of Jerusalem and call out to her”. 

We live in amazing, incredible time, when things change fast, great things happen unexpectedly, we plan big events in advance, but all of a sudden a wedding has to be planned in 10 days and instead of waiting until summer you are married already – this is how Mashiach will come, we are living our lives, planning various events, busy with scheduled tasks, buried in work, and all of a sudden miracle happens, and we’ll have to drop everything and come to Yerushalayim, like our ancestors who all of sudden stopped their avodah in Egypt and got up and went out with half-baked Mazot.  Your wedding is like the coming of Mashiach – sudden, unexpected, shocking and disruptive, beautiful and full of joy, and this is how geula will come – fast and unexpected, against all odds, impossible to plan, but we must prepare for it every day of our lives. 

Wishing you and your families, your parents and grandparents, and your siblings much happiness and joy, so we’ll only hear kol sason v’kol simcha many more times.  Leora, Rafi, we love you very much and we are all so glad to have you both as part of our community, Mazal Tov!!!!!

P.S. Many ideas in this dvar Torah come from the book by Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach The Soul of Chanukah.  See also in this blog Shlomo Carlebach on Beauty and The Golden Room